i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
