The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
