I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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