i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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