How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
