Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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