using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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