just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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