i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
