Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
