hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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