This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
