Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
