don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
