just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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