I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
