And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
