I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
