you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
