we have officially lost it.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
