R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
