Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
