I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
false alarm, still single
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
