weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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