I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
