I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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