Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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