I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
