I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
