Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
