I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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