Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
