well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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