quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
