Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just threw up on my dentist
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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