Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
