I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
