You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
