Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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