false alarm. still invincible.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
