Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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