Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
