to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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