She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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