I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
