Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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