im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
grandma shit on top of the toilet
too bad you live with your parents still
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
