I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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