Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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