maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
