Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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