MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We have started to decorate penises.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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