Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
