Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
