i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
