So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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