John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I had to cum in my sink.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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